Tag Archives: parenting

BlogHer : A piece of my heart on an article – Down my memory lane of childhood memories

18 Mar

My son posing on his great great grandfather's chair. he was 2 years old and the chair is 100 years old!

My son posing on his great great grandfather’s chair. he was 2 years old and the chair is 100 years old!

http://www.blogher.com/creating-and-cherishing-childhood-memories-and-happiness

What is life made of?

Of beautiful memories, shared and cherished with our loved ones!

Of childhood stories which we tell and retell to our children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

Of memorabilia and junk collected over a generation, and in some cases if preserved over a century.

Well, I will tell you no more, go and click this link and read my entire article 🙂

It is after all my first article on BlogHer.

Guest Post: What is family?

31 Aug

In today’s guest post, Mama Simona from South Africa is posting about her father, her family and how she feels that sometimes death is the ultimate freedom.

Mama Simona with her family.

Mama Simona with her family.

My father died last week. Don’t be sad. His death is the best gift he ever gave his dysfunctional family! Let me explain.

I really, truly and deeply love my dad, despite (or maybe even because) of what he put all of us through when he was alive. Please don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t all bad, in fact my best childhood memories are of times spent alone with him. He was the kind of dad who whispered stories made up of bunny rabbits, green meadows and rainbows in my ear (while I was tucked up in bed) in order to keep nightmares away. On the nights when the nightmares came anyway, he was the one who’d comfort me and then lead me into the kitchen for a “secret” midnight snack. Being his “co-conspirator” made me feel so special! He would protect me when mom got really angry. He was my hero and then I got older.

By the time I was around 9 years of age a blind mouse would have been able to detect the ever-widening cracks in my parent’s marriage. In fact my last, really good, childhood memory with my dad happened that year. It was obvious to me that Dad was away a lot and, even when he was home, he wasn’t really “present”. I still clearly remember that cloudy, wintry afternoon in Cape Town. Dad was sitting in his favourite armchair, but he was very far away. I went up to him and told him that I missed him. I’ll never forget the look on his face! It was as if I’d thrown a bucket of cold water on him! He looked at me without saying anything for a long minute. Then he said that I was right and that I should grab a jacket – the 2 of us were going out. I remember Mom shouting from the kitchen; “Where are you going?” to which Dad just answered; “Out with Simona” and we left before she could ask anything more. Remember no cell phones back then! I was so happy! I didn’t care where we were going, I had my dad all to myself, for the first time in a really long time. Dad drove to our favourite ice-cream parlour and bought us each a cone. Then we took a walk along the deserted beach nearby. The wind was really cold and here we were, side by side, eating ice-cream cones, just talking and walking along the beach with the backdrop of a grey and stormy sea. I didn’t know it at the time but that would be the last time I’d feel so close to, and so loved, by my dad.

My parents finally divorced when I was 17 years old. It was not amicable at all and I got to know things about both my parents which (whether real or not) no child should ever hear about the people responsible in equal measure for her DNA!! As the oldest child I felt responsible for the fact that I was unable to “save” their marriage. When I was around 19 years old I suffered from my first severe bout of Clinical Depression.

Eventually my father came back into my life, together with the woman who would become wife number two. I always got on really well with her and actually tried to warn her about my father’s “dark side”. Unfortunately, blinded by love, she not only married him but gave birth to a daughter who is only one year older than my own oldest child!

Unfortunately, when I was 6 months pregnant with my daughter, my father left South Africa because he could no longer “borrow from Peter to pay Paul”. He told all his creditors that I had signing power on the Company Account and that I’d take care of payments while he was overseas. What he neglected to tell them was that all his accounts were already overdrawn, so any cheques I wrote would bounce. I refused to sign “bad cheques” and instead returned the cheque books to the Bank Manager telling him that I was in no way to be associated with my father’s business affairs any more. When my father heard that I had done that, he told all our family and friends both in Italy and in South Africa that I had stolen his money! The stress of this awful betrayal caused me to go into premature labour. (Luckily, with medication and strict bed rest, I managed to bring my pregnancy much closer to term and thereby give life to my only daughter.) Since (in his mind at least) I had stolen his money, my father refused to speak to me – or have any other kind of contact at all for over 10 years.

Meanwhile, his second marriage also ended and my step-mom and half-sister moved back to Italy permanently. My father “reinvented” himself as a “Great White Hunter” and ran tours into the Kruger National Park with the support of the latest woman to fall in love with him. I’m very grateful to M for being with him right up until the end. I’m also grateful to M’s daughter and son-in-law, who took our father in when he was ill and none of his biological children were in a position to help him.

So why do I say that his death was a gift? By removing himself from the equation, he has made past hurts and rivalries irrelevant. All the women and children who love him are free to love him together! He has also “woken up” those of us left behind to what is really important in life. We need to tell the ones we love that we love them unconditionally – just because they’re a part of our lives. I believe he has given us the gift of “rebirth” instead of 4 families we can be one, and we should be one because we all loved him, albeit in our own way and in our own time.

I believe that a FAMILY is tied by bonds of love and respect and not “bloodline”.

I hope this post has inspired you to spread the love and respect, this world sure needs to have a lot more of both floating around!!

Photo credit to Mama Simona of South Africa.

This original post was written by Mamma Simona of Cape Town. She shares her home with a loving and supportive husband, two teens, two cats and two dogs. Her posts are usually to be found on World Moms Blog but she was happy to be able to share these thoughts with all who follow The Alchemist.

Tell us about your family.  Post it as a comment to this post or share it in your own blog and post the link here.

If you have not already done, please Like the Facebook page of The Alchemist’s Blog and share your love.

Babies that become man and woman and mommy and daddy

8 Aug

Newborn child, seconds after birth. The umbili...

Newborn baby.

“This is your baby”, says the doc. Mommy looks at her baby with awe, love and joy. Nothing can ever describe her feeling. She feels a lot of emotions. It is HER baby. Nine months of HER labour. HER joy. She touches the baby. The baby squirms. Baby cries. Baby blinks. Moments of awe, moments of joy, moments of BLISS.

Mommy spends at least twenty years of her life bringing up baby. She bathes it, feeds it, changes diapers, cleans poos and pees, teaches A,B,C, gets frustrated during tantrums, calms back, calms down baby too, cleans spits from the entire carpet, scrubs the house, some even work at work(office) in the midst of all this and manage to earn decent money.

And the baby keeps growing. Keeps learning. Keeps loving mom. Mommy gets rewards too. Hugs, kisses, milestones, first crushes, baby’s achievements at school, and she witnesses scores of such once in a lifetime things. Mommy is happy. Mommy is proud. Mommy’s life is made. Baby becomes boy (or girl), and then man(or woman) and life starts happening for our baby (man/woman) now.

Mommy looks up at baby nowadays. How nicely he (she) dresses, how smart he (she) is, how great life can be for baby now. Mommy feels blessed to have such a wonderful man (woman) for her as baby.

And then things change.

No, this post is not being pessimistic. It just puts things in perspective.

So, now baby gets married. Baby has babies of his (her) own. Sometimes relationships are just great as it was when our original baby was born. But sometimes it is not. Those sad times are more often than not.

Fly me higher...!!!

Fly me higher…!!!

Mommy-son (daughter) relationships cracks. Why? Expectations happen; from mommy’s side, and sometimes from children’s side. And then each one does not deliver what is expected. Disappointments are many. Bitterness sets in after a few disappointments.

So, I ask the mommy, why expect?

Mommy says, “Why not?”

“I mean it is your baby. You cared for it. Now baby has grown up. It has wings. It is flying away to create a brood of its own. Now you should not expect baby to hang around.”

Mommy says, “But how can I not? It is all that I have. My whole life was devoted to this. I won’t say sacrificed, but I have nothing else left with me.”

And then I say again, “But baby has lot more to do in life. It has so much to look for in this world. It wants to stretch out its wings. It wants to fly high. It wants to soar.”

Mommy nods. She understands. She knows. But she still wants baby. She is silently pining away. Sometimes she throws tantrums like baby used to do in younger days. But mommy definitely understands that baby needs the world, not the nest.

The babies are now the prime of this world. It needs to go out and create freshness and brightness in this world. It needs to recreate the whole world in its own way. It needs to know life. After all mommies had the same to do, right? They discovered their worlds, created their babies, chose their lives, and dedicated it for their babies, right?

So, mommy says, “Yes, but I know how my mommy felt now. And I understand what relationships are made of.”

I nod understandingly. But something was amiss and I am trying hard to cling onto it, grasp it.

Mommy, baby, life, wings, flight, empty nest, wide world, man, woman, progeny!!! Things were happening too fast.

Oh, wait a minute, what happened? Imagine the tenderness and helplessness of the baby when it first arrived into this world. Imagine the baby as soon as it is born with all the goo, trying hard to comprehend this world. Imagine the baby trying to lactate with mommy. Imagine mommy feeding baby. Imagine mommy holding baby’s hands and helping him take first few steps. Imagine mommy teaching baby stuff about the world. Imagine mommy wiping tears of frustration when baby’s first crush moved on. Imagine mommy doing this and that and stuff.

What happened to the mommy’s heart? Her only wish was for baby to excel in everything. Now why does she want the empty old nest to be filled with the baby who does not fit in it anymore? Why does she not allow the baby to fly away and make a bigger stronger and more beautiful nest?

Now all you strong men and women out there, do not smile and nod and before forwarding this to your mama and papa, think how much mommy sacrificed everything to be with you. Imagine mommy’s sleepless nights when you wanted nothing but to only nurse for weeks and months in a row. Imagine mommy always calling in sick for work. Imagine calling in late for work on all days for at least a week when you were sick. Imagine mommy cancelling holiday plans because baby won’t fit in for this holiday. Imagine mommy forfeiting promotions because it involved more work and more time. Imagine some mommies quitting work altogether to be with babies. Imagine twenty years of mommy’s thoughts, actions, life and breath revolving only around baby. But baby deserts her after twenty years.

Why oh why? Why doesn’t baby understand mommy? Why doesn’t mommy let baby go either? Why does the relationship fall out?

The most sacred of all relationships, the one between mommy and baby should never go stale. But why does it fail, at least in 50% of the cases? All relationships, especially this one, is based on love. And then some trust and a little respect. Respect baby’s needs to fly away. Trust the baby, your baby, to love you, remember you, and come back to you in your most needed hour. But for now, let baby fly.

And you baby, understand mommy’s need to feel loved, cherished and protected. After all, all her life was spent for you. She needs some hold onto life and that is mostly you. Be sensitive.

Why oh, why such things happen? So complex to understand the myriad emotions, feelings, expectations, needs, desires between people. Go beyond it all. Look up to each other. Respect each other. Respect the needs of each one. Do not let selfishness come in the way.  Let the other flower out. Un-flowered buds wither away.

Garden flower

Teach the other to let go. Teach the other to seek out too.

Teach each one to love. Teach each one to detach too.

Help the other to breed. Help them fly way away too.

Love. And believe in your loved ones to love you back.

And trust. And Respect.  And let go. For, know that they will come back.

Thank you Geetha, for inspiring me to write this piece.

CALLING ALL BLOGGERS!: Our “Blogiversary” Link Up Nov. 2, 3, and 4th! (Updated!)

1 Nov

CALLING ALL BLOGGERS!: Our “Blogiversary” Link Up Nov. 2, 3, and 4th! (Updated!).

The World Moms Blog is celebrating its first birthday. Come, be part of the blogiversary, write your own posts about motherhood and culture and link up those posts with us. Click the above link and read the details.

There are surprise gifts to be won too. And more than that, this is your best chance to be featured on the famous World Moms Blog website.

Spread the love; share what it means to be a mother.

Love,

The Alchemist!

A proud mommy blogging today

28 Sep

The Apple Tree

The Apple Tree

 

India: The Idea of Competition.

My latest post is published up there at WorldMomsBlog today. Please go ahead, read it and congratulate my son for winning a prize in the story telling competition  🙂  lol

Oh yea, proud mommy blogging here 😉

SAHM vs. Working-Mom

10 Aug

INDIA: My Decision: SAHM vs. Working-Mom.

Please click the above link. Oh yes, that is my next post at WMB.

Ok, go ahead, read it and leave your comments there at WMB  🙂

Thanks guys!

My brush with fame

29 Jul

 

INDIA: Interview with The Alchemist.

The Alchemist and her son

The Alchemist and her son

So guys, I am almost a celebrity. Well, not really. But, my interview got published there on WorldMomsBlog.com.

It actually feels good. That is one place I really love. Writing about being a mother and the parenting sagas is really a wonderful way to keep up a memoir.

Getting interviewed by WorldMomsBlog sure was fun. Go ahead, click and read my interview.

You are welcome to leave your comments and thoughts on WorldMomsBlog site.

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