Tag Archives: motherhood

INDIA: The Key to Successful Relationships

16 Mar

My latest post at World Moms Blog talks about the key to successful relationships.

Check it out here – http://www.worldmomsblog.com/2013/03/11/india-key-successful-relationships/

Guest Post: Why You Should Schedule Pauses in Your Life

4 Sep

Ruth Wong from The Mommy Cafe is visiting us today and she think all mothers should take those much-needed pauses for respite. Yes, I definitely agree too. Read what Ruth writes…

Woman relaxing in hammock

Woman relaxing in hammock

Do words like stressed, overwhelmed and pressured describe how you are feeling today? Or perhaps you’re feeling lost in life and not sure what’s the next step. Then it’s time you press that pause button on your life and take a real break.A while ago, I was experiencing a huge sense of being overwhelmed, to the point of almost burning out. Thankfully, I managed to take a break before I potentially breakdown.

While it wasn’t a deliberate pause I made, it helped me realise just how important it is to regularly schedule pauses in our lives.

Why do you need a pause?

1. To take stock of your life.

When we are caught up in the humdrum of daily living, most of us don’t stop to reflect on the meaning of what we are doing, where we are headed, what are the issues hindering our progress.

A pause gives you the time and space to do all that. It helps you examine your priorities and see if the goals you are working on still align with your vision. It restores perspective and give you renewed sense of empowerment that comes from gaining greater clarity and focus in life.

2. To refresh and replenish your body, mind and soul.

We are humans, we can’t go on and on without a good rest. We need rest to prevent us from burning out or from developing health problems that arise from a stressful life.

However, you need a pause to not only rejuvenate your body but clear out your mind and soul, and restore you with a renewed sense of purpose and motivation. That happens when you have time to sit down and examine issues that are important to your life, discover and eliminate the time stealers, ask deep questions about your passions and what you are doing to achieve them.

It’s also a time to nourish your body, mind and soul – by eating healthy, attending to your needs, giving yourself more love, and filling your mind with positive thoughts and flushing out the negative.

3. To achieve more in life.

When you are clear about your goals and are in the right physical and mental state, you will naturally be empowered to achieve more in life.  It’s like being in a game of shooting. You can’t shoot not knowing what your target is. But once you know what to aim for, even if you don’t shoot as well initially, you can hone your skills and achieve the perfect score eventually.

How to get the most out of a pause?

So now that you’ve decided to schedule a pause in your life, how then, can you get the most out of it?

1. Plan how long you want your pause to be.

Do you want half a day, a day or maybe a weekend or longer? After you have decided on the time frame, think about what you want to achieve – do you want to reflect on certain issues, work on career goals, have a good rest, or spend quality time with someone? Knowing exactly what you want to achieve during the break helps you to be focused and not end up squandering your time away.

2. Disconnect from the external and plugin to yourself.

Disconnect from the internet, your smart phone and shut out the white noise. It’s a time to tune in to yourself.

I believe for many of us, we don’t listen to our inner self as we go about our busy lives, or either that, it gets drowned out by all the noises around us. However, when you think about it, much of our unhappiness arises from being disconnected with who we are and what we truly want. So let’s tune in and listen to what’s within.

3. Create a proper space for reflection.

Find a place that offers quietness and peace to facilitate the process of thinking and reflecting.

It can be a space somewhere in your home, or it could be at the garden or park, or even in a quiet café. You may like to also make this your regular reflection spot so that each time you go there, you get into the mood for quiet reflections quickly.

4. Eliminate the clutter.

If you are feeling overwhelmed, lack focus or simply not sure what to do with your life, chances are there’s clutter somewhere in the house. Often, the clutter can also be in the form of mental cobwebs. So make it a part of your pause ritual to get down to some decluttering and you’ll be amazed at the results.

The goal of the decluttering is to remove things and retain only that which is essential to you, nurtures you and supports you in your goals. This process not only helps you get clear on what’s important to you, it will allow you to make space for the new to enter your life, it could be a new job, a new project or a new relationship – but it will happen.

I experience that all the time when I do a major decluttering – new projects appear out of the blue, cheques for payments that have been delayed for a while comes in. Surprise gifts from people.

Photo credit to FreeDigitialPhotos.net

Are you ready for a pause now? You will soon discover the beauty and magic a pause brings to your life!

Ruth is from Singapore and she met Purnima at World Moms Blog. They were together in Social Media coordinating at WMB for sometime and that is when they grew close to each other. Ruth writes at The Mommy Cafe

 

Babies that become man and woman and mommy and daddy

8 Aug

Newborn child, seconds after birth. The umbili...

Newborn baby.

“This is your baby”, says the doc. Mommy looks at her baby with awe, love and joy. Nothing can ever describe her feeling. She feels a lot of emotions. It is HER baby. Nine months of HER labour. HER joy. She touches the baby. The baby squirms. Baby cries. Baby blinks. Moments of awe, moments of joy, moments of BLISS.

Mommy spends at least twenty years of her life bringing up baby. She bathes it, feeds it, changes diapers, cleans poos and pees, teaches A,B,C, gets frustrated during tantrums, calms back, calms down baby too, cleans spits from the entire carpet, scrubs the house, some even work at work(office) in the midst of all this and manage to earn decent money.

And the baby keeps growing. Keeps learning. Keeps loving mom. Mommy gets rewards too. Hugs, kisses, milestones, first crushes, baby’s achievements at school, and she witnesses scores of such once in a lifetime things. Mommy is happy. Mommy is proud. Mommy’s life is made. Baby becomes boy (or girl), and then man(or woman) and life starts happening for our baby (man/woman) now.

Mommy looks up at baby nowadays. How nicely he (she) dresses, how smart he (she) is, how great life can be for baby now. Mommy feels blessed to have such a wonderful man (woman) for her as baby.

And then things change.

No, this post is not being pessimistic. It just puts things in perspective.

So, now baby gets married. Baby has babies of his (her) own. Sometimes relationships are just great as it was when our original baby was born. But sometimes it is not. Those sad times are more often than not.

Fly me higher...!!!

Fly me higher…!!!

Mommy-son (daughter) relationships cracks. Why? Expectations happen; from mommy’s side, and sometimes from children’s side. And then each one does not deliver what is expected. Disappointments are many. Bitterness sets in after a few disappointments.

So, I ask the mommy, why expect?

Mommy says, “Why not?”

“I mean it is your baby. You cared for it. Now baby has grown up. It has wings. It is flying away to create a brood of its own. Now you should not expect baby to hang around.”

Mommy says, “But how can I not? It is all that I have. My whole life was devoted to this. I won’t say sacrificed, but I have nothing else left with me.”

And then I say again, “But baby has lot more to do in life. It has so much to look for in this world. It wants to stretch out its wings. It wants to fly high. It wants to soar.”

Mommy nods. She understands. She knows. But she still wants baby. She is silently pining away. Sometimes she throws tantrums like baby used to do in younger days. But mommy definitely understands that baby needs the world, not the nest.

The babies are now the prime of this world. It needs to go out and create freshness and brightness in this world. It needs to recreate the whole world in its own way. It needs to know life. After all mommies had the same to do, right? They discovered their worlds, created their babies, chose their lives, and dedicated it for their babies, right?

So, mommy says, “Yes, but I know how my mommy felt now. And I understand what relationships are made of.”

I nod understandingly. But something was amiss and I am trying hard to cling onto it, grasp it.

Mommy, baby, life, wings, flight, empty nest, wide world, man, woman, progeny!!! Things were happening too fast.

Oh, wait a minute, what happened? Imagine the tenderness and helplessness of the baby when it first arrived into this world. Imagine the baby as soon as it is born with all the goo, trying hard to comprehend this world. Imagine the baby trying to lactate with mommy. Imagine mommy feeding baby. Imagine mommy holding baby’s hands and helping him take first few steps. Imagine mommy teaching baby stuff about the world. Imagine mommy wiping tears of frustration when baby’s first crush moved on. Imagine mommy doing this and that and stuff.

What happened to the mommy’s heart? Her only wish was for baby to excel in everything. Now why does she want the empty old nest to be filled with the baby who does not fit in it anymore? Why does she not allow the baby to fly away and make a bigger stronger and more beautiful nest?

Now all you strong men and women out there, do not smile and nod and before forwarding this to your mama and papa, think how much mommy sacrificed everything to be with you. Imagine mommy’s sleepless nights when you wanted nothing but to only nurse for weeks and months in a row. Imagine mommy always calling in sick for work. Imagine calling in late for work on all days for at least a week when you were sick. Imagine mommy cancelling holiday plans because baby won’t fit in for this holiday. Imagine mommy forfeiting promotions because it involved more work and more time. Imagine some mommies quitting work altogether to be with babies. Imagine twenty years of mommy’s thoughts, actions, life and breath revolving only around baby. But baby deserts her after twenty years.

Why oh why? Why doesn’t baby understand mommy? Why doesn’t mommy let baby go either? Why does the relationship fall out?

The most sacred of all relationships, the one between mommy and baby should never go stale. But why does it fail, at least in 50% of the cases? All relationships, especially this one, is based on love. And then some trust and a little respect. Respect baby’s needs to fly away. Trust the baby, your baby, to love you, remember you, and come back to you in your most needed hour. But for now, let baby fly.

And you baby, understand mommy’s need to feel loved, cherished and protected. After all, all her life was spent for you. She needs some hold onto life and that is mostly you. Be sensitive.

Why oh, why such things happen? So complex to understand the myriad emotions, feelings, expectations, needs, desires between people. Go beyond it all. Look up to each other. Respect each other. Respect the needs of each one. Do not let selfishness come in the way.  Let the other flower out. Un-flowered buds wither away.

Garden flower

Teach the other to let go. Teach the other to seek out too.

Teach each one to love. Teach each one to detach too.

Help the other to breed. Help them fly way away too.

Love. And believe in your loved ones to love you back.

And trust. And Respect.  And let go. For, know that they will come back.

Thank you Geetha, for inspiring me to write this piece.

A small step in breaking the Caste System.

27 Jan

India: Breaking the Caste System.

Peaceful demonstrations against the reservation system. New Delhi, India

Peaceful demonstrations against the reservation system. New Delhi, India

That is my latest post at World Moms Blog. Today in India the most burning issue among the educated is the reservation system in educational institutions and government sector, which is based on the caste system.

As a mother, I would want my son to be judged by what he is capable of rather than which community or caste he was born into. What about you?

A massive paradigm shift in the thought process is necessary to get over this social evil.

Take a small step today. Yes, it will make a huge difference in the upliftment of social equality and human rights.

Please leave a comment on World Moms Blog and let your voice heard against this.

Photo credit to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Dharnaeithflag.jpg

Motherhood and being Cultured!

5 Nov

        

This post is dedicated to the one year Blogiversary of one of the most happening parenting communities, World Moms Blog.

I was asked to write about Motherhood relating to our Indian culture and link up with the World Moms Blog . In India I would say there are at at least 50 different cultures for every aspect. And the same and more apply to motherhood. Having said that, this post has nothing to do with any of the  specific 50 different cultures of India.

For me motherhood simply means worshipping my mother’s motherhood. I should say I have not much vocally appreciated her as much as I should be not only for bringing me up, but doing everything else and more for my son, her grandson.

Motherhood

Sculpture - "Motherhood" at St.Anne convent in northern Kentucky.

This is where it began. When I was pregnant I contacted Hepatitis-A, a viral infection and was down with jaundice. It was not specifically life threatening or problematic for the baby in womb (because of the placental barrier), but we all were so stressed mentally and emotionally. This was approximately during the 22nd week. I was working 12 hours a day, designing the supposedly love of my life, car electronics. During that period I was living, 350 miles away from home.

The gynecologist and gastroentrologist advised complete bed rest until the day of delivery. I was very upset hearing this. I pleaded, I coaxed, that I work at least after a month’s rest. I was feeling completely fit and fine. But for whatever reasons God chose, I was back at my parents’ home relaxing and enjoying all the remaining 5 to 6 months of pregnancy. I was eating home cooked food by the world’s greatest cook (mom), being pampered and cared and just plain killing time reading books, researching pregnancy and stuff over the internet. The DDH used to visit me over the weekends at my parents’ place. [**I have not really thanked him enough for letting me stay on at my parents’ place indefinitely**]. And life was benevolent indeed.  

And then, one fine day I delivered a healthy happy crying baby boy and all was fine again in this mama’s world.

And I went back to work when DDS was 6 months old.

No day care, said the DDH. No nannies. No nothing. I was devastated. Apparently the DDH was a great fan of attachment parenting, and well, neither did I have the heart to send him to a day care to strangers. I mean, yes, I know there are so many wonderful care centers and I am not being judgmental. Having said that, I just felt I needed my little boy to be with people he knew, he was biologically related to.

So, super woman aka my mom, aka my son’s grand mom stepped in to the rescue. She traveled 350 miles away from her home, stayed with us, away from her husband and her son and took care of DDS while I worked away ‘happily’ at the car electronics typing away software codes for the automatic power steering.

Now, my dad visited us during the weekend to be with his wife, my mom and with all of us, his family. And oh, my brother sacrificed being with his mom too, because he was just entering college, and needed her emotional support. But the neediest was the baby, so my mom devoted her entire time, energy and thoughts to baby. We stayed in this arrangement for at least 5 years when we decided I would quit work because mom had to go back home, for her own personal reasons.

But the point is, my mom put up with a 25-year-old, grown up, pregnant, moody, lazy, physically unwell woman (me) for half a year, an ignorant mom (me) for another half-year and then she stayed away from her family, her husband and her son for 5 full years. I can not really thank my father and brother enough for letting me have her fully. She did all this for her grandson. Her idea of motherhood which can not be defined in any words except by retelling this story is just my idea of motherhood.

Culture is also refinement, culture is also being civilized, culture, my father always says, is doing what is best and correct for the moment and living life the way, God would later say, Ah, I am proud of you, my child. Isnt that how culture must have evolved in any society?

So, I am blessed to have parents who are cultured and who tried their best to imbibe that in my brother and me.

And this post celebrates that woman, who is the best mother in the whole world.

Some day, I hope my son says that too.

 

This article is part of the World Moms Blog Link-up

This article is part of the World Moms Blog Link-up

Go ahead, click the above button and view all posts written by mothers all around the globe participating in the World Moms Blog link up! I encourage the reader to also participate by writing your own post under the topic, “Motherhood, culture and myself” and show your support for the most celebrated feeling, “motherhood” by ‘liking’ and commenting on my and all posts.

CALLING ALL BLOGGERS!: Our “Blogiversary” Link Up Nov. 2, 3, and 4th! (Updated!)

1 Nov

CALLING ALL BLOGGERS!: Our “Blogiversary” Link Up Nov. 2, 3, and 4th! (Updated!).

The World Moms Blog is celebrating its first birthday. Come, be part of the blogiversary, write your own posts about motherhood and culture and link up those posts with us. Click the above link and read the details.

There are surprise gifts to be won too. And more than that, this is your best chance to be featured on the famous World Moms Blog website.

Spread the love; share what it means to be a mother.

Love,

The Alchemist!

A proud mommy blogging today

28 Sep

The Apple Tree

The Apple Tree

 

India: The Idea of Competition.

My latest post is published up there at WorldMomsBlog today. Please go ahead, read it and congratulate my son for winning a prize in the story telling competition  🙂  lol

Oh yea, proud mommy blogging here 😉

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