Reminiscing on a summer evening..

25 Mar

There is an IT park coming up next to my very peaceful, calm and lonely house. I thought I was lucky to be out here in nowhere. But now I am not so happy about this huge ugly squarish building next to my home. So, this week new supplies for the personal mobile units had arrived up there for software engineers to occupy in their cubicle. I thought maybe I won’t look. Maybe I would feel nostalgic about my own cubicle, my own mobile unit, my testing laptop, my hardware and I would remember it all and feel emotional and whatever. But then I thought, WTH? And I looked. And I looked. And I felt empty. I dint feel nostalgic. I felt empty looking at these tall ugly buildings. What a farce they play out there?

I averted my gaze and looked at the skies. There were a few stars sprinkled in the grey sky. Some were just peeking out. It was not yet completely dark. The sky was bluish grey and there was some light and there was the moon shining there brightly. Half a moon. I felt the moon was very bright, perhaps still in its super moon mode. The sky was so beautiful. I tried to find pink and peach traces. My son decided that blue looked better. We argued some. And I let him win that blue looked better on the sky.

I now sneaked a peek at that mammoth structure. There was a time when I used to sit inside my cubicle and be hunched over a grotesque machine. They called it a computer and I punched my fingers on a rectangular board. They called it keyboard. And I punched away lines of code to make car wipers work, fuel gauges move, and micro controllers to fire. It seemed like a dream and eons ago. A very fast tolerable dream. I felt neither pleasure nor emotion reminiscing it. I just could not believe myself having done that.

I uneasily shifted my eyes skyward. I think HE beckoned me to look away and gaze at HIM. I did not find HIM there up above.

My son wanted to go back downstairs from the terrace because it was time for his favorite cartoon. I sighed. I gave up. What was the use of waiting for grief, anxiety, nostalgia and yearning to come when I knew it would not? I really don’t regret getting out of that strange world.

Maybe watching moon rise and stars wink suits me for now. Oh, I can hear DDH muttering, “Lazy bum” or perhaps “unproductive woman”. I won’t say I am contented to be this way. But, I don’t want to go back there. And I will live zestfully in other ways.

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6 Responses to “Reminiscing on a summer evening..”

  1. Seashell March 26, 2011 at 12:58 am #

    Like you, I don’t want to go back there either. But here, I think now that I’ve been there, I may hear a lot of “over qualified” when applying for other positions. Time will tell.

    • The Alchemist March 26, 2011 at 7:34 am #

      Sometimes I feel the same too. And I am waiting for time too :p

  2. Leslie March 27, 2011 at 12:18 am #

    Your experience is like why we keep a diary. You look back over the pages and suddenly realize, “Wow, things have changed. My life is more real. I see more clearly. My priorities are more what He wants.” Good changes reflected here.

    • The Alchemist March 27, 2011 at 2:19 pm #

      Yes, life feels more real now. And perhaps after a while, even this will feel juvenile.
      Thanks for your comments, Leslie.
      Keep visiting.

  3. Fire Crystals March 28, 2011 at 9:20 am #

    I admire you for having had the courage to break out of the IT world. So many of us are in it, with no real love for the work and yet hang on because of the good pay. Kudos to you for breaking out of the mould. I hope you find your real passion in life.

    • The Alchemist March 29, 2011 at 1:13 pm #

      I do too. That is find my real passion. But it definitely is not writing lines of code 🙂
      Courage had nothing to do with it. It was the most natural thing to do, break away that is, at that point in my life. I naturally quit 🙂 Perhaps, your moment would come too soon if it has to.

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