A career woman turned homemaker.

14 Jan

Do you remember the day I quit my job? The day I actually officially gave my resignation letter? I wrote about it here. And the day I wrote about my feelings about the trigger? Well, I have come a long way from there.

There were a lot of people who judged me, who said I was right and some who said I was wrong. I do not know if I was right or wrong, but well, in time, this would not matter. Any decision would have been almost the same philosophically. And these judgments would prove inconsequential. In the larger scheme of events, what does it matter? But what about me as an entity? As a person and as a mind and soul with a heart?

I know of women who have the greatest attachments and pride in their career, their financial security and their title as an independent woman. I don’t for a moment think they are wrong to be that way. In fact it is their personal choice and their frame of mind which makes them think so. But I am not that and I don’t intend to be so too. But I also know a few others who are very fiercely independent and high in the rungs of their career but are forced to be there for any number of reasons. I know of an ex-colleague whose husband told her that he wanted a wife with a high profile career and that at no point in her life should she feel she can let it go for the sake of ‘family’ or her ‘child’, though she said she would do anything to be in my current shoes of a happy homemaker. I can only sympathize with her. I at least have a generous husband than that who thinks I can do what I want with my life, but it is entirely my responsibility to do so.

But my priorities are very clear. I need to give the utmost attention to my toddler, to his formative years, to his upbringing and no one can take up that position and only those who think similarly would really understand my thoughts.

You know, I have never really understood feminism in the words of the world. What reason a woman has to prove that she is equal to a man?  Sometimes I feel a woman is superior in many different other ways and it really belittles a woman to prove she is equal to a man. The men who are reading this blog, please don’t get me wrong. I am trying to say that nature bestowed in woman the physique to be fertile, bear and allow progeny and care for young ones. It gave women a softer heart. It gave women more power to tolerate. I say tolerate here, because the pains and pleasures of nine months of child bearing, laborious process of birth, patience in upbringing, love, bonding and lessons of the heart are all better understood and taught to future generations by a woman alone. And doing one’s duty, one’s intuitive duty in fulfilling womanhood, in being truly feminine, is her first priority.

So, for me feminism is all this, rather than trying to say, I can be a CEO too or I can be a Prime Minister too, though if you can do all this and not compromise on any of these and still hold the flags of respective positions, so be it. You are highly skillful, multitaskable and almost god to be omniscient.

But what about money? What about a career at a later stage in my life? What about the cost of this break? I understand I cant have the same career I had. But do I really want to? When I think about it, I feel that chapter in my life is over and I have evolved beyond the stressful life of a software engineer who slogs for twelve hours a day for money and social pride. I mean, I needed the money back then, I got it. I would still need it as long as I keep getting it. Know what I mean? As and when we are dispensed of certain resources, we lose their use. I don’t say I have no use for money. But I have learnt to be more frugal than I earlier was. I don’t eat out. Maybe, not as much. I don’t splurge money on the demons called “auto-rickshaws”, we travel wisely and avoid it mostly, which is good, we have also become innovative with using just one car and traveling only when it is available and walking the other times. It is not that hard, really. I don’t buy as much clothes. I also don’t buy so many clothes and toys for my toddler. I really don’t understand why I bought so many things which I really did in the past. It is like I have stopped spending money from my bank account which is really not there. I am not an advocate of any “stop consumerism” group. I am just trying to say that to live simply is a very satisfying thing at the end of the day. You know, like reinventing the wheel again and again.

Of course the DDH has a job and he provides for his wife and child. But you know, the concept of second income is welcome, but if it has to be forsaken, it can be done so happily too.

And at the end of the day, I am happy, and yet again, some say I am being childish saying I am happy being a homemaker and what about all the education, the post graduate engineering degree? Well, what can I say? I thought I wanted a high profile career, I worked for it. I almost got there. But somewhere along the journey, I decided to switch lanes because my heart belonged in the other lane. A certain friend on FB had posted sometime ago the difference between the heart and the mind. I mean, my mind would still be working as a project leader in some leading American Vehicle Design company. But the heart belongs very much physically near to the heart of DDS, at home right now. Perhaps, when he has to go to school full time next year, I would think of ways to keep myself occupied and pine meanwhile.

But for now, to quote DDS, “Be at home with me because I like you”. What simpler reason could there be for this decision and I am glad I am here now than later.

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13 Responses to “A career woman turned homemaker.”

  1. Shalini January 14, 2011 at 3:35 pm #

    Truly touching….
    we usually do lots of things for the sake of someone – say for parents, to satisfy teachers, to please the boss, to convince customers etc etc…..and sometimes to convince ourselves. But one thing I realised was I never did anyhing great or even small for my kid except for the regular duties !
    But you will never feel so 🙂

    • The_Alchemist January 14, 2011 at 4:46 pm #

      Shal, Yes, But come home sometime… You would also know the other side of the coin. Its all not roses and velvet. Sometimes, things get pretty frustrating too 😉 Know what I mean..
      Ah well, but thats how it will always be with kids when they are growing up anyways, thats what I keep telling myself..! lol!

  2. Puneet Arora January 14, 2011 at 4:05 pm #

    I am sure you are true to your words….there are few ppl who have their heart and their mind at one place and you are one good instance here. Your money and high profile job may not bring you “ever-lasting” happiness, though it may give you temporary happiness, but your oneness of heart and mind will definitely forge you to be self complacent and most of us strive for this seeking spirit.
    Of course money is important as long as it aligns your heart and mind.
    Giving yourself for creating good causes in your family lives will definitely manifest to everlasting happiness in and around you.

    Thanks 🙂

    • The_Alchemist January 14, 2011 at 6:44 pm #

      Thanks Puneet. I understand the spirit of your comment. And yes, I am contented and hope this state of mind will last.

  3. senthil January 14, 2011 at 10:33 pm #

    @Purnima – Atlast i also read ur blog…. feel little difficulties to understand the meaning for some words… with the use of wordweb i finish the blog… it was really good… u know… now a days everything is fully changed… one fo my friend went to see one girl for marriage (Poonu parka poi inrunthaga)… he feel shy and didnt speak anything… but she take him alone and spoke lot… thats not a problem… i am really appreciate this act… he like her and everything is set to go for marriage… but she called him and asked about her Job… whether she need to work or not…he told you may continue ur work but after a child if situation is not good for u to work… then you may need to take of the child… she said no… at any cost she is willing to continue her work… and everything end their itself… anyway thats good she got clarified before marriage itself…

    • The Alchemist January 15, 2011 at 3:22 pm #

      Senthil, Thanks for completing the reading part. Most just give up when they feel its not relevant to them.
      Well, with respect to your friend’s friend, I would not judge her, because so many things happen in time. I was almost having the same frame of mind when I got married. DDH was generous. He waited for me to change. After holding my bundle of joy in my arms, I wavered. But I was insistent that I be a ‘career woman’. Now, I know better. Now my priorities have changed. It has taken 4 to 5 years for me to evolve in this respect. So, I guess people change, people evolve and we do not have a right to judge anyone. Oh well, my 2 cent ramblings anyway… 😉

  4. SweetB January 14, 2011 at 11:29 pm #

    Great post! As women, we face such tough decisions when it comes to raising our children AND having careers. I look forward to reading more.

    Margie
    http://sweetbblog.wordpress.com

    • The Alchemist January 15, 2011 at 3:23 pm #

      Thanks for visiting and commenting. You can subscribe too. I loved your blog.
      Yes, tough decisions smetimes, but well, we eventually take the right decision.

  5. RP January 15, 2011 at 6:46 pm #

    Well…having known a little (i guess) about your struggle between office & home, I wish your decision to give importance to home should always be a right thing.

    On my opinion career can come at any part of our life. Not all continuously working male\female become successful in their so-called career. Even you can start a career at your later stages of life and taste the fruit of success.

    Therefore, I would suggest that all of us should give importance to our personal life. Particularly in your case, the childhood parenting is most precious because children do not wait for us.

    Probably once your DDS goes to school full day, may be next year or so, you can think of another career of your choice without losing your status of homemaker…. 🙂

    • The Alchemist January 15, 2011 at 8:13 pm #

      Its all a viscious cycle of judging and justifying, if you know what I mean…
      Having written the above post, I still feel nothing is really right or wrong; each one to his own judgement and decisions.

  6. Astha July 27, 2011 at 2:01 pm #

    It seems someone has put words to my feelings….everything i was holding since last few days.
    I am also in a phase of taking this decision…career or be a full time mother. After reading the post I am highly motivated to follow what my heart says ..to do wat i wanted …to be a perfect mother as i hv imagined since my marriage. thanks a lot for this wonderful post 🙂

    • The Alchemist July 28, 2011 at 8:34 am #

      Astha,

      Its a wonderful and satisfying feeling emotionally to do what your heart says. There could be hardships now and in the future and temporary regrets, but in the end, it does not matter much. You would know that you did the right thing eventually.

      Good luck and may peace be with you 🙂 Let me know what you did.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

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    […] those things in my daily life which touch me deeply, life like things I wrote here and here and here. Oh, otherwise, I live a very boring existence out here in […]

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